Sobriety

It has been a year since my last confession.

It has also been a year since I had to admit to myself that I had become very depressed and that it was having a real impact on my life.

In the last couple of months, I have found myself in a similar rut, where every new day feels more like those days from October 2012. Back then I made a commitment (to myself) and I started executing a plan that would make things better. Make me better.

Two hours ago, I had a similar type of conversation with my wife to the one we had last year. My rut was brutally evident to her too.

As I sat listening, my gut feel was to accept defeat and acknowledge that I had gone full circle in the last 12 months. The very thing I set out to counter was back.

That feeling sucked until I simply decided that it was mostly bullshit. The facts were there that - yes - I had been a rut and I probably haven't been an awesome person (to be around) all the time lately.

But I wasn't the same person as 12 months ago. I had made new mistakes, learnt new things and - importantly - accomplished a few things along the way.

Initially I wanted to write this to share a list of the things that I accomplished and that I'm proud of. But then I decided that such a list was purely narcisstic and even though it would be therapeutical to me, the list probably had no value to anyone else.

I wrote that list down anyway and in doing so, I reminded myself that no mountain seems easy to climb when you are just starting out. Every step to summit is a minor victory though. Yet it those individual steps that we forget immediately after they're made.

Never forget the bigger picture and that every picture has a thousand words; every one which contributes to making it awesome.

The sum may be greater than it's individual parts, but there is no sum without those parts.

Every mistake, every lesson learnt and every new day is simply an individual step to be better. Never forget that.